"You better hold on tight, spider monkey!"
Or, I re-watched Twilight and had some serious thoughts...
My name is Kayla and I, like many fellow female millennials, was obsessed with Twilight. It basically defined my middle school/early high school life. I remember reading all of the books and discussing them in great detail at lunch. You were basically a nobody if you didn’t read Twilight. I’m pretty sure I read each of them in one day. I remember getting Breaking Dawn the day after it was released in 2008 and spending the entire day holed up in my bedroom reading it. When I found out they were going to start making the books into movies, it was basically the best day of my life. I am proud to say that I went to the midnight release of 4 out of the 5 Twilight movies. Breaking Dawn: Part 2 was the only film I did not see on release day in theaters because at that point I had grown old enough to get into the really raunchy Twi-fiction, Fifty Shades of Grey. It is safe to say that Twilight was my first YA book series obsession. I had many afterwards (Hunger Games, Divergent, Gone, etc.), but this one holds a dear place in my heart; however, when I heard we were doing a week on Twilight I got a bit nervous. It has been years since I have read one of the books or seen a movie. So, I decided to take this opportunity to do what every sane 25-year-old girl does: I decided to re-watch the original Twilight movie and make comments on it... and let me just say, I had a lot of thoughts…
I haven’t seen this movie in ages, but apparently my brain still remembers the opening line!
Forks, WA looks like a location straight from a Criminal Minds episode.
Why the hell does Charlie park on the grass and not the perfectly good driveway next to the house?!
I’m pretty sure my sister had the exact same purple comforter that Charlie (or rather the sales lady at the store) picked out for Bella.
Ugh, I forgot Taylor Lautner had long hair in this movie… He could definitely pass for a girl.
How does Bella drive a stick shift when she doesn’t even know where the clutch is?
Forks is apparently supposed to be a town of 3,000, but that high school looks like it has that many students! Seriously, the high school would literally only have 300 kids total. Maybe even in all of K-12.
Anna Kendrick was a BABY in this movie!!
The Cullens entering the cafeteria is such a classic scene.
OMG, the scene where Edward smells Bella and then looks like he is going to puke… Why is he even breathing anyways? He doesn't have to.
Also, is Bella wearing a bowling alley jersey on her first day of classes? Why…
I’ve never been to a school where people just hang out in the parking lot. Isn’t it freezing in Forks? These kids need to get their asses in the school.
Okay, who designed these costumes and why did they have to put Bella in a short sleeved shirt with a long sleeved shirt underneath every.single.day?
Also, speaking of looks, the highlights in Bella’s hair look horrible. They are so chunky.
Ah the golden onion. So classic. All these students moaning about it, but I would have been super excited to get a prize like that.
God, why are Edward’s lips so red compared to his skin? How is this even possible?
Also, why does Edward think it is okay to ask so many personal questions to a girl he barely knows?
….and a car skidding on black ice is exactly why you shouldn’t just chill in parking lots.
Wow, Dr. Cullen’s white face makeup is also horrible. It is just caked onto his face! He still fine as hell though.
When Bella confronts Edward at the hospital about him stopping the truck he says, “Well nobody’s going to believe you anyways”...Gosh, Edward, ever heard of deny, deny, deny?
Aw, Bella is such a great friend for telling Mike to ask Jessica to the prom. What a matchmaker…
I used to think the “it’s a worm” scene was so juvenile, but looking back it is definitely something a high school boy would joke about.
Every scene with Bella and Charlie is SO awkward…
On my gosh the falling apple scene! I forgot about this. Kudos for the clever idea, but it looks so fake. Also, what high school has a salad bar?
Man, it was so 21st century of Bella to ask Edward out to La Push beach. You go girl. Ask yo man out.
Now she is telling Angela to ask Eric out and be a strong woman. Damn, I don’t remember Bella being such a strong, independent woman.
Those waves at the beach look so threatening! Why would anyone be trying to surf out there? That is just asking for a rip tide to pull you under.
Cam Gigandet as James is a straight up mood. And of course he is shirtless in his first scene. TBH, I totally thought he should have played Christian Grey in 50 Shades.
Oh, it is finally a sunny day in Forks! Why is Jessica in a tank top, though?! It would definitely still be like 40 degrees and that cannot be within dress code.
Why are three girls dress shopping without any parents? How are they planning to pay for their dresses?
Also, why on earth would Bella just wander off on her own? Couldn’t she have waited to go to the bookstore?
Jessica and Angela are shit friends. Their friend wanders off on her own and doesn’t come to dinner, yet they still eat anyways? Shouldn’t they have gone looking for her? Or idk, informed the cops?
Gosh, the hairstyle on that waitress is awful.
Okay now Edward is admitting to reading minds and Bella is just super nonchalant. I would have run screaming for the door.
The amount of intense staring scenes between Bella and Edward in this movie is insane.
“Say it. Out loud,” is such an iconic line.
Lmao, I totally forgot about the scene where he throws her on his back. The CGI of him running is the worst.
Shirtless, sparking Edward definitely gave some teen girls their first WAP….
“So the lion fell in love with the lamb.” Why are they talking about falling in love? They have only known each other for like 5 minutes.
Man, this movie/book expanded my vocabulary for sure. Masochistic lion...irrevocably in love…
Wow, the Cullen house was/still is #goals.
I totally wanted the Alice haircut for a hot minute when this movie first came out. Thank God I came to my senses.
“You better hold on tight, spider-monkey,” is truly the most iconic line from this movie.
Ah, classic cameo of Stephanie Meyer in the diner!
Damn, Edward and Bella’s first kiss was super steamyyyy.
So now Bella is just going to casually sleep on Edward’s stomach? How is that comfortable? He is hard as rock and ice cold. Might as well be a pillow of marble.
Wow, Charlie, don’t sound so sarcastic about Bella playing baseball.
Yessss, the scene I have been looking forward to this whole movie!.. It’s time…. for baseball.
I used to ALWAYS wish I could pitch like Alice, but ain’t no way my leg is going that high.
James, Victoria, and Laurent look like they are walking on a conveyor belt or something when entering the field.
Aw, fuck you, Bella. Breaking Charlie’s heart by leaving the same way your mom did.
So you’re telling me the police chief is really just going to stand idly by while his teenage daughter drives away at night?
I still don’t get why the Cullens don’t just lure James to their house. There is literally 7 of theme versus 2 with James/Victoria.
Okay, how could Bella tell from Alice’s drawing that it was a ballet studio? It looks like a bunch of scribbles.
I just realized that Bella uses a Nokia. Isn’t that a little pre-Twilight? I feel like she could have totally used a Razor or something.
The scene with James reflecting in the mirror at the ballet studio gives me serious Phantom of the Opera vibes.
Wow, James videoing her being tortured is definitely sadistic.
Who is going to pay for all this damage to the ballet studio? I hope they have some good insurance.
Why the hell did it take the rest of the fam so long to show up to the showdown? Weren’t Alice and Jasper in Phoenix with Bella? They should have already been there.
LOL at Robert Pattinson's face as he is sucking the venom out. His eyes are bugging out of his head.
If I was Bella’s mom I would never believe the injuries were just an accident. I would have definitely thought they were from an assault by Edward.
Why does Bella wear a boot on her foot if she injured her femur? She honestly shouldn’t even be able to walk at all.
Oh God, the cardigan that she is wearing on top of her prom dress is hideous.
Does Bella really think Edward is going to turn her into a vampire in public, at her prom?
Ooooh look at Victoria watching from above. Such a classic “I’m coming for revenge” ending.
Shit We’re Loving: WATCH
Kayla’s Pick: SNL Twilight Parody | Lab Partners
The release of Twilight basically sent a frenzy through the YA community. Eventually it was everywhere and you could not escape it if you tried. There were Twilight shirts, blankets, posters, cardboard cut-outs...the list goes on and on. Like with any good fandom, though, there was also an intense rivalry between “the sides.” Were you Team Edward or Team Jacob? The answer to that question was enough to ruin some of the best friendships. How could you be caught sitting next to someone who runs with the wrong team?
While all of this may seem silly now, there was definitely a time in my life that I, too, would have stood in front of the class and debated the issue. It is almost comical to think about now. In an effort to not ostracize some of our readers, I will not specifically say what team I was on...but you best believe his spiked hair, pale skin, and “cold” demeanor stole my heart. Around the time when the Team Edward/Team Jacob debate was in full force, so were the many parodies. I remember seeing things everywhere that made fun of Twilight. Of course it wasn’t long before SNL jumped on board.
This SNL parody of Twilight, featuring Taylor Lautner as a girl, used to crack me up every time I watched it. I’m pretty sure I made my dad listen to it on repeat when I watched it over and over again. At the time, I was still on a certain vampire team, but my young heart loved the look of Taylor’s body. I’m still convinced that he passed as a very convincing girl, but his acting in this skit is somewhat questionable; however, if you are looking for a quick way to reminisce about Twilight fandoms, this skit is for you!
Show Your Support: OCRA (Ovarian Cancer Research Alliance)
With each new month comes a new organization to spotlight. While I definitely haven’t been great about keeping up with donations, and my spotlight is pretty dim…I’m still trying! Working with organizations and, more importantly, donating my resources is extremely important to me, and as I move ATF forward, so will our donating practices. In the time being, the month of September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month, so we are supporting OCRA, the largest global nonprofit advancing ovarian cancer research while supporting women and their families.
Since 1998, OCRA has invested over $100M in ovarian cancer research and remains the only ovarian cancer-dedicated voice on Capitol Hill. OCRA isn’t just about raising money for research (though that definitely is a huge part); they also offer workshops and educational opportunities for healthcare providers to better inform themselves on this deadly disease. They have an annual conference where current patients and their families, survivors, and those left behind can convene to advocate for change in our healthcare system.
They want you to know the symptoms of ovarian cancer because while it is extremely present for some, it seems most others are unaware of it altogether. Check out this handy infographic I stole from their website! They also have a little quiz to test or refresh your knowledge on ovarian cancer. And remember, 1 in 78 people with ovaries will develop this cancer—so let’s all be informed!
Per usual, A Trust Fund has already donated $100 to OCRA in support of our fellow ovarian-carrying friends. If you want to donate, they are currently raising $200,000 specifically for Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month, and if you pledge over $75 (which we did!) you get access to their annual conference digitally for free!
Daily Intention
Today I will…
Start watching New Moon.
Here’s some nifty buttons for you to press, enjoy: